Justin Skea is Head of St Cyprian's Preparatory School

In my last article I spoke of the 8 Net Generation and Next Generation norms and the way these norms need to be considered when parenting and teaching your child. Next, I would like to look a little more closely at how these norms, and the very unique characteristics of this generation impact on the modern family. As with my previous article, I hope that this information will help you in your parenting, and help you understand your child that little bit better.

To re-cap, the norms are:
•    They want freedom in everything they do
•    They love to customize and personalize
•    They are the new scrutinizers
•    They look for corporate identity and openness
•    They want to be entertained and play in their work, education and social lives
•    They are the collaboration and relationship generation
•    They have a need for speed
•    They are the innovators

As a starting point it is worth considering the different home lives of the Net and Next Geners as opposed to the Baby Boomers. For the Baby Boomers, their home life was often characterised by a strict hierarchical, frequently patriarchal system. Rules were strict and the rod was certainly not spared!

Move forward a few decades and we find the Next Gen child who grows up in a far more democratic home – any attempts at autocratic parenting and teaching are often met with resistance and opposition from this child (especially the tweens and teens!). It is clear that the structure and dynamics of the modern day family are significantly different to that of the Baby boomer family. Autocratic, patriarchal-centred families of the boomers have become increasingly replaced by families that are collaborative, democratic and transparent, and where communication from all parties is valued and regarded as being essential.

The lack of a clearly-defined hierarchy does not suggest a lack of respect and appreciation from child to parent, but it does yield a more authentic relationship, and one that must be carefully nurtured. Why the lack of hierarchy? One of the reasons lies in the fact that parents have had to concede that they do not know everything, and that in fact they can learn from their children. What an amazing way to level the playing fields! It is a world where years of experience do not necessarily render you more qualified anymore. To illustrate this, imagine buying the latest technological gadget. Chances are that by the time you’ve muddled your way through the instruction booklet, your child has already mastered the device and can show you how to operate it far better than any poorly translated instruction booklet ever could. What humility it requires for a parent or teacher to concede that their child knows more than them in a certain area! This is the exciting thing about the modern family (and modern classroom for that matter!) however for many boomer parents it can be rather daunting and not a little frightening to adapt to the new order of democratic parenting.

I must caution at this point by stating that a democratic family does not mean that the child rules the home. Absolutely not! You are still the parent, and you make the decisions even though you may be guided by your family. Allowing democracy within the home is not a sign of weakness either. Quite the opposite in fact! It takes a great deal of humility to concede that your daughter knows more than you in certain areas, but always be mindful of the dramatically positive impact this form of parenting has on her. By allowing your daughter to teach you, you show your confidence in her, you affirm her and you develop a strong sense of self within her. Allow her to be the expert sometimes, and she will be more willing to take your lead in areas in which you are the expert.

One thing to remember, and I cannot emphasise it enough; having a democratic family does not mean that you have abdicated the responsibility of being a parent. Instead, you simply have the sensitivity to identify where your children are experts and allow them to express this, but you will be the expert in many other areas, and you are the one responsible for drawing the line between right and wrong, between safe and unsafe. Children of every generation have thrived and continue to thrive in environments where boundaries are clearly defined and observed.

In light of this information, there are a few parenting guidelines for parents of Next Gen children that should be considered (and adapted according to the age of the child):
  • Have a family vision. A Next gen child thrives in an environment in which there is mutual trust, communication is multidirectional and an acknowledgement that authority is fluid, and certainly needs to be earned.
  • Interact. This generation needs to connect. Get your child involved in the family beyond just family chores – the Next Gen child needs quality time with his/her parent/s.
  • Customize your parenting. The way your parents did it will not always work. Be sensitive to situations so that you can adapt your approach.
  • Ensure that there is a balance between your work life and your personal life – don’t let your child be the victim of your busy lifestyle.
  • Collaborate in parenting. Value diversity and build community in the raising of your daughter – she will become more rounded, complete and totally enriched by this.
  • Let kids be kids. Be sensitive to your daughter’s pleasure, delight and excitement in things that interest her, and connect with her on this level.
  • Play. Be prepared to get down to their level, even if that means making a fool of yourself every once in a while!